Question: If a woman becomes a widow, remarries, and then dies many years later, is she buried next to the first husband, or second husband (i.e. the current husband)? Does it matter if the second husband is still alive?

Answer: Thank you for your question. Jewish law maintains that we leave this decision up to the preferences of the individual (i.e. if the widow had expressed any preference as to where she would be buried, we bury her there). However, we strongly encourage her to be buried next to the first husband if she had children from him and not from the second husband.  However, if she had children from both, there is no reason to encourage her either way. Ultimately though, as stated prior, we do whatever she, or the deciding party, prefers.

Take care,

Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Question: I have recently encountered a few individuals who claim that modern Jews are not the true Israelites. There is one group calling itself the Black Hebrews that claims that Ashkenazi Jews are not of Israel because they descend from converts; and that they cannot prove otherwise because the Romans destroyed all the lineage records in 70 C.E. Is there any truth in this? Are Ashkenazi Jews really of Israel?

Answer: While I admittedly know little of the beliefs of the “Black Hebrews”, anyone with the slightest knowledge of history shall surely place the burden of authenticity on them. The claim presented to you is really quite silly. For starters, what records of Jewish lineage are being alluded to? They certainly aren’t the records of Ashkenazi Jewry, for that did not begin until hundreds of years after the destruction of the Temple in 70 C.E. Both Jewish and gentile sources have ample data chronicling the migration of the Jewish people, and, following the destruction of the Temple in 70 C.E., much of the Diaspora was in Babylonia. From there, Jews migrated to Europe and North Africa.

Mind you, I am not negating the existence of true Black Jews (there are many living today in Israel, mostly from Ethiopia). However, the movement you speak of is suspect; while the truth of Jewish history is readily available in numerous places for anyone who cares to look.

On a final note, to claim that someone is not of Israel because they descend from converts is a terribly offensive statement to make about converts, and could not be further from the concept of converts as portrayed in the Torah.

Regards,

R’ Daniel Fleksher

Question: What do we know about the man Jabez (Chronicles I 4:9-10)? What can we learn from him? Christians are making a big deal about him, is there anything to their discussions?

Answer: Jabez is simply a story of human triumph with the help of God. This inspirational story could easily appeal to many religions, since overcoming adversity through prayer to God is a universal theme. I explain the story below using the great Medieval commentator Radak. I supplement with some points of my own and some comments of Rashi.

First, the text of the Biblical verses:
9. And Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, ‘Because I bore him with sorrow.’
10. And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, ‘Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me!’ And God granted him what he requested.

Firstly, although many commentators say that the above passage is all we know about Jabez, Radak points out that many Biblical people had multiple names. He leaves open the possibility that Jabez was another name for one of the previously listed children.

Additionally, the Bible sees a connection between names and personalities. In a famous passage, Avigayil describes her husband—“He is as his name: His name is Naval [Hebrew for disgusting] and he is a disgusting person.” (Samuel I 25:25).

In our case, Yaaveitz (the the Hebrew word for Jabez) is related to the word “sadness”, and this caused him concern. Would all that he attempted to accomplish be tinged with sadness, and would nothing work out right?

Therefore, Jabez makes a “personal petition to God”—to help him succeed.

In fact, Radak points out that Jabez makes “deal with God”, although it does not explicate his commitment. These “deals” do occur in the Bible. For example, Jacob made a deal with God before going to Laban’s house (Genesis 28:20-22); and the Jews in the desert promised total destruction of an enemy if God helped them defeat the enemy (Numbers 21:02-03)

To recap, Jabez was a person who was concerned that his name would be the harbinger for a difficult, sorrowful life. Therefore, he prayed to God, and “made a deal” with Him. Prayers to God on personal matters occur several times in the Bible.

Consequently, this story has universal, inspirational value. It doesn’t surprise me that other religions are using it. However, you need not go to them for inspiration since our own Jewish commentaries more than amply explain the inspirational value.

In passing: Rashi points out that we infer from this story that “a person who conditionally promises (e.g. charity) should say ‘I will give, without vow’ to avoid the complications of vows.”

I hope you too find this story inspirational and integrate it into your daily life.

Rabbi Azriel Schreiber

Question: Is it stated in the Torah (or Rabbinical writings) that saying that God is your father is equivalent to stating that you are “equal with God?”

Answer: Thank you for the great question. Not only does the Torah and all of Rabbinical writings not say that God being our father makes us equal to him, but the very notion of God as our father implies an inequality. The very notion that we have a father (God) Who is our source of existence implies, very clearly, that we are unequal to God.

Also, remember that the notion of God being our father is metaphorical; it is only meant to communicate that we exist because of God, just as a human child only exists because of his/her parents. However, God’s creation of human beings is, obviously, much different than human procreation.

Best wishes,

Adam Penrod

Question: My father suffers from Alzheimers. When I visit him, he sometimes doesn’t know who I am—even though I’m his only daughter! When he doesn’t recognize me, can I still kiss or hug him or should I only do so when he knows it’s me?

Answer: I’m so sorry to hear about your father – I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. Yes, you may hug and kiss him even when he doesn’t recognize you.

Take care,

Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Question: Did King Solomon marry the Queen of Sheba and was she a black woman?

Answer: Where Sheba was from is a matter of contention. Abarbanel maintains it was Yemen, while Meam Loez argues it was Ethiopia, which would support the legend that she was black. Most commentaries to Kings (see Kings 1 10:14) explain that Solomon did not marry her. Arizal though, is purported to have said that the queen was converted and had a child from King Solomon who was an ancestor to Nebuchadnezzar, the evil king who destroyed the first Temple.

I have heard the argument that the conversion of the Queen of Sheba would explain the existence of black Jews who are of Ethiopian ethnicity.  However, this theory of the origin of Ethiopian Jewry is baseless, albeit interesting. A few years ago I made the acquaintance of a young Ethiopian transfer student who was studying in a university in the United States, and was to return home after completing his degree. He told me that the meeting between the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon is ancient folklore in their tradition (with a few modifications to glorify the queen). It is surely one of the more intriguing episodes in the prophets.

Rabbi Shlomo Soroka

Question: I have long wondered how a person is a Jew. I have heard so many different things: That it is something that you are only born to; it is determined by certain personality traits; or it is a spiritual choice. What is the truth? Is it possible to be a proselyte, like an “adopted child” into this chosen people?

Answer: According to Jewish law, one’s Jewishness is determined by one’s mother: If the mother is Jewish, so is the child. The Jews are “chosen” in the sense that we have a responsibility to reveal G-d’s glory to the world and to sanctify Him. The mere fact that we are the descendants of the Patriarchs makes this our mandate and destiny, whether we like it or not. However, any individual who wishes to share in this destiny can choose to do so through a valid conversion. Some of the greatest Jews that ever lived were converts to Judaism. By the way, the Talmud does state that Jews are naturally merciful, bashful, and generous with loving-kindness – but this, by itself, does not make one a Jew.

Rabbi Shlomo Soroka

[Editor – See more posts on the definition of a Jew.]

Question: If the route which we traveled through the desert was barren, then how did the livestock feed? Where did so much wood come from for the sacrifices in the Tabernacle? Was there some sort of trading going on?

Answer: Thank you for your inquiry. Tosefos (Early Commentator on the Talmud) in Tractate Menachos says clearly that there was trading going on between Israel and the caravans / nomadic tribes that canvassed the desert. They would also receive hay and other forms of animal feed, along with many other supplies from these “trading partners.”

Rabbi Dovid Frankel

Question: Are women allowed to make havdalah if a man will be home in 5 minutes?  When is a woman allowed to make havdalah for herself and other women?

Answer: There is a difference of opinion regarding a woman’s obligation to hear havdalah. The question revolves around the relationship between havdalah and kiddush. They are both positive, time-bound commandments, and as a result, women should be exempt. However, the Talmud in tractate Berachos proves that this is an exception to the rule, and that women are in fact obligated in all the positive commandments of the Sabbath, including kiddush. Yet, are they obligated in havdalah just like they are obligated in kiddush?

The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chayim 296:8) rules that women are obligated in havdalah. However, the Rema in his glosses ad locum rules that women should avoid the issue altogether by hearing havdalah from a man.

All that notwithstanding, we must contend with more issues: The blessing on the wine is certainly integral to havdalah—but the candle and spices are not (as evidenced by the fact that we do not use them after a holiday). These, then, would be two time-bound commandments in which she is not obligated. Additionally, there is the custom that women do not drink from the havdalah wine (this has to do with remembering how Eve gave the fruit of the tree to Adam). Yet, if she is making havdalah, someone has to drink the wine!

Bottom line is that the definitive work, Mishna Berura (297:35) rules that if she will not hear havdalah from a man, a woman can make havdalah and drink the wine. If she can make havdalah for herself, then she can certainly make it for other women. However, it is clear that if a man will be home in a reasonable amount of time, then she should wait to hear it from him so as not to invoke all of these issues.

Best wishes,

Rabbi Yosef Friedman

Question:  I have silver utensils are normally used with Dairy products. They were subsequently exposed to meat. I have not used these utensils for the past 4 months. Can I now begin using them again for dairy foods?

Answer: Assuming the utensil was used with hot meat (hot is defined as “too hot for a child to handle”), then the utensil cannot be used unless it is “koshered.” To do that, first make sure the utensil is perfectly clean—pay special attention to cracks and crevices. Then take a clean pot (either meat or dairy, as long as it is clean and has not been used in the 24 hours) that is big enough for the utensil to fit in. Fill it with water, and bring it to a boil (this is best done by covering the pot.) After the water reaches the boiling point, immerse the utensil in the hot water, waiting for it to come to a boil again. Remove the utensil (with a tongs, or use an onion bag) and rinse. Now you again use it for dairy.

Rabbi Dovid Shenker

Question: Many of my friends are unsettled with the fact I have chosen to become more observant of Jewish tradition. They are continually jabbing me as a result of this decision. One of the ongoing jokes is that I will have to wear the “holy underwear”. Is there such a thing? Can you shed some light on this for me, please?

Answer: Rest assured that you can keep your pajamas, as well as your Hanes. There is no “holy underwear” in the Jewish tradition. The only thing that we do wear is called tzitzis. This is a garment that Jewish men wear that has fringes on the four corners and is usually worn under the shirt. It is to be a constant reminder of the commandments that we are obligated to do, and it facilitates a constant awareness that we must live according to Torah precepts.

I hope that this helps. I wish you success in all of your endeavors.

Be well,

Rabbi Litt

Question: I recently had to put my service dog to sleep. What is Judaism’s position on the souls of our animals and how we dispose of their bodies after death?

Answer: The Kabbalah recognizes two separate issues which shed light on the souls of animals: 1. the concept of the animal spirit, 2. the concept of reincarnation.

1. The animal spirit is the life-force that G-d has placed in both animals and people. The difference is that people contain a soul that is higher than the animal spirit. My Rabbis taught that the animal spirit is “almost physical”, and may eventually be identified through science in some way; as opposed to the concept of the soul, which is on a higher level and is only knowable through revelation. In a practical sense, the soul has free will, whereas the animal spirit is run by instinct. Since we, as humans, choose freely, our soul will be rewarded for the proper choices we have made in our lives (i.e. the choices to follow the Torah). On the other hand, animals live by instinct and are not rewarded for their choices. This is because they do not make moral choices, but rather are governed by instinct. When an animal passes away, its spirit returns to the place in heaven where it comes from, not for reward or punishment, but rather it simply returns to its source. However, through interaction with humans, a “tikkun“, or spiritual rectification, can take place for the animal. This leads us to the next concept.

2. Reincarnation—I remember that I was once a counselor in a day camp in a Chasidic hotel. The Rabbi of the hotel at the time is a well respected Dayan (judge of Torah law) in the Chasidic community in Brooklyn, NY, and his father is one of the great Rabbinical leaders of this generation. The children of the day camp went on a trip to a zoo, and the Rabbi came along with us. When we stopped to sit down for a lunch break, we sat at some picnic benches next to a pen holding an exotic (and rather large) species of deer. The Rabbi told the children in Yiddish, “When you recite the blessing on the food, do so loudly, with much concentration and devotion. This animal here contains the reincarnated soul of a Jew who needs a rectification, and the animal was waiting for some Jewish children to recite a praise to G-d in its presence so that the soul could be redeemed in the merit of your blessings over this food.” (more…)

Question: Why is the land of Israel called a “land flowing with milk and honey”?

Answer: The phrase was used to describe the Promised Land when the Jews were still in Egypt (Exodus 3:8,17;13:5), and many times when they were in the desert (Exodus 33:3; Lev. 20:24; Numbers 13:27;14:8;16:14; Deuteronomy 6:3; 11:9; 26:9,15; 27:3; 31:20). When the phrase is used for the first time, Nachmanides explains that it’s a way of dramatizing the fertility and productivity of the land: The abundance of milk indicates that the cattle thrive on the good air, water, and pasturage; and that the fruit is so rich and sweet that its juices drip like honey.

Rabbi Azriel Schreiber

Question: I live in a very remote area, hours away from any Synagogue. I have been reading about, and considering, conversion to Judaism for some time. The problem is my distance from a Jewish community. How would I go about converting to Judaism if the traditional ceremonies, and access to a Rabbi, are not available to me?

Answer: Simply speaking, you cannot convert under these circumstances. A Jew must live in a community of Jews with access to synagogue life, a mikveh, kosher food, and opportunities for Torah study.

However, you can commence a conversion process by reading books such as “To Be a Jew”, by Rabbi Hayim Donin, and “This is My God”, by Herman Wouk. You can also do some long distance Torah study. However, any Orthodox rabbi will require you to live within walking distance of a synagogue and live through a year of Jewish Festivals.

Best wishes,

Rabbi Michael Katz

Question: My husband and I both work, and we have been having some “discussions” regarding the level to which my husband must contribute to household expenses. (Don’t worry, we’re getting marriage counseling.) What are my rights according to Jewish law? Can he opt out of supporting me just because I have a job?

Answer: Thank you for your question. This issue is discussed in the Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 69:4). A husband must provide for his wife’s and family’s needs, and, in return for doing this, he is entitled to keep her salary. However, a woman can opt out and say, “I prefer my salary and will provide my own needs.” Yet, although the husband cannot say, “You keep your salary and I won’t support you,” he can tell her, “Use your salary towards your expenses, and, if it isn’t enough, I will provide you with whatever extra is necessary.”

Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Question: I was born Jewish to a family that had very limited ties to the Jewish tradition. I married a Christian woman in her church several years ago. The pastor of the church agreed to marry us, but required that I undergo a baptism by water before he could marry us. I agreed.

Now, after a messy divorce, I am returning to my roots. Yet, when I recently told a Rabbi about the baptism, he frowned and told me that I no longer was considered to be a Jew. My jaw dropped and I could not believe my ears. I have never once accepted Jesus as my lord and savior, and only agreed to be baptized to satisfy the pastor’s policy. He never once told me that Baptism equals conversion from Judaism to Christianity!

Can you provide me with the true nature of my status and what I must do in order to become reinstated (if, in fact, I had been duped out of my faith)?

Answer: The rabbi to whom you spoke was mistaken. While there is a custom that one who leaves the faith should go to the mikvah upon returning, other than that you remain today what you always were—my Jewish brother.

Rabbi Yosef Friedman

Question: Are there any jobs that Jews are not allowed to hold because of Jewish law?

Answer: That is a jam packed question. The answer is yes: Any job that would require you to violate a Jewish Law would be prohibited. For example, any job that requires working on the Sabbath, or some jobs dealing with non-kosher food, etc.

Another example of this is that a kohen cannot become a doctor. The reason for this is that Jewish law prohibits kohanim from coming in contact with the dead (with few exceptions). A doctor (at least in his training, if not professionally) has to regularly come in contact with the dead. This would be yet another example of a profession that is forbidden (at least to kohanim) by Jewish law.

Please let me know if there is something more specific that you had in mind.

Take care,
Rabbi Landis

Question: Can I know if my wife is my soul-mate? Her first name is Denise and her mother’s first name is Rebbecca. My first name is Steve and my mother’s first name is Freida.

Answer: First, a serious relationship like marriage cannot be determined by merely examining names. Marriage is about sharing, caring, and giving to each other. The marriage would be shallow if it depended on the coincidence of certain names.

Second: You shouldn’t be asking using the past tense, but rather using the future. That is, you shouldn’t ask, “Was this marriage decreed?”, but rather, “How will I make this marriage perfect?”

Notice, that even a marriage made in heaven like that of Adam and Eve can be marred. Eve ruined her marriage and caused the expulsion of man from Paradise. It can be inferred from Biblical nuances that Adam separated from Eve for a long time (after which they got back together).

Thus we see, that the important thing in a marriage is, as indicated above, sharing, caring and giving to each other. As a couple continuously practices this, their marriage becomes more and more ideal.

Respectfully
Russell Jay Hendel

Question: Is it true that a glass table does not need “place-mats” to differentiate between dairy and meat?

Answer: The custom is to be lenient and allow glass (which is not used in the oven or other similar place) to be used for both meat and dairy. One needs to make sure, though, that it is perfectly clean. In fact, many are careful not to use it for both meat and dairy, even when clean.

All the best,

Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz

Question: At any time in Biblical history did the Jewish people neglect the sabbatical years and have judgment laid on them for this? If so, could you cite the verses where this can be found?

Answer: When Rashi (Leviticus 26:35) points out that the seventy years of Babylonian exile were in response to failure to keep the Sabbatical year, he adds that this means that there were seventy Sabbatical years that weren’t properly observed. Now, that’s a minimum of 490 years of prior history, one every seven years. I would assume that he means that in their entire history, from coming into the land until the destruction of the First Temple, there were 70 Sabbatical years that were not kept properly. The final punishment for all of them was the exile to Babylon.

Best wishes,
Michoel Reach